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October 16, 1998 The Six Degrees of Carl from
THE STANDARD
To read this and other humorous articles about the
internet by Carl,
take the above link or go to www.thestandard.com
and do a search in Archives for Carl Steadman;
you can also get more of Carl at Freedonia
I run up to the cab and open the door. "You're heading for the Hilton, right?" I ask and climb inside. "Mind if I share the ride?" It's always best if you catch them by surprise.
She's red lips and round hips and long legs. She's also ignoring me, engrossed in her Palm III. I catch a glimpse of her scrolling through pages of address book names. I can tell the girl gets around.
"Hi," I say, with all the confidence and promise I can pack into a single aspirated syllable. She continues to tap the backlit screen. The driver glances over his shoulder and grins.
I decide to take the direct approach. I whip out a tin of Altoids and thrust it in front of her face. "Mint?" I ask.
"No, thank you," she says firmly. She goes back to her address list. I can't let her put me off.
"I'm Carl," I say. "Have we met?"
She makes eye contact for the first time. "No, I don't think so."
I know what's going through her mind. More importantly, I know what's going through mine. And that's what matters. "Maybe the two of us can get connected," I say.
She doesn't utter a word. She doesn't need to.
"It's not what you think," I lie. "You could join the inner circle of my net.club."
"Listen, Carl? I don't know you, and I don't want to buy whatever it is you're selling."
I do my best to act genuinely hurt. "Oh no, I'm not pushing anything. In fact, I only want to give of my own private Internet. Once you identify me as a friend, you'll get all the benefits of club membership – discussion boards, instant messaging, a shared address book. It's an entire Web site all about you."
"If it's your club, isn't it really all about you?"
"Well, yes, but it isn't about me as a person. It's about me as a concept. I aim to be the Kevin Bacon of the Internet." I show teeth. "The Six Degrees of Carl."
"It doesn't do anything for me."
I put my elbows up on the seat back, my hand dangling near her Palm. I picture in my mind all the people that she's no stranger to. "My current strategy is to accrete users and build community, which should encourage lock-in and promote path dependence. I'll worry about moving people through the funnel later."
"That's got to be the worst line I've ever heard," she says, shifting away from me.
Below is an e-mail I wrote the fabulous Carl with his "neato" response:
Subj: Yo Carl...
Date: 05/13/99
To: carl@freedonia.com
CC: webmaster@thestandard.com
Got turned on to your hot stuff a good while back, with an ear/eye on Lance Arthur (who had graciously published one of my fictions at Vacation Project)...
so I tuned in to ya' & read back page of the Standard first, on getting the hard copy or coming [to the website].
I remember turning my kid on to you in the car, he drove & I read aloud the "Six Degrees" piece ya did and we laffed our butts off in traffic. A Kodak™ moment if you will..
I'd gotten a few free issues in trial, it ran out & then seeing several Standards on the floor of my boss' office during a meeting this week I almost wondered aloud: "why didn't I send those guys a check?" Flipping to the back page while my boss took a call from our most recent project's representative I sez' to myself... I sez':
Geez, The Steadman is worth the price of admission...
R K PumaCarl's response:
Subj: Re: Yo Carl...
Date: 99-07-31 12:28:52 EDT
From: carl@freedonia.com (Carl Steadman)
To: rk@rkpuma.com
Hi, Roberta.
So have you seen my latest column in the Standard, "Cash and Prizes?" I
switched to a how-to format - I got tired of telling stories about myself.
Does it work for you?
And thanks. I love that a piece that was largely written in traffic about
being in traffic was then read in traffic. Thanks.
Your pal, Carl
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